You should check up on your guests occasionally to see how they are doing, and you should refrain from any speculation about who was the carrier. There are two more things for you to do - or, rather, one to do and one not to do: This is a rare occasion where the non-apology so often used illegitimately by guilty people - a variation of “I’m sorry you feel that way” - is legitimate. You have already done the right thing in notifying people immediately, and, Miss Manners trusts, telling them how terrible you feel. Not your fault, of course, but it was your party. I feel certain that the party was the event that precipitated this, and feel terrible that my guests are ill because of it. Over the next week, most have confirmed that they have the virus. Five days after the party, the first person reported that he tested positive, and I contacted the rest of the guests and let them know. Prior to the party, we all tested negative, but obviously one or more of us was not symptomatic at the time. Six of them, including my spouse and me, later tested positive for COVID. (Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, to her email, or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had a dinner party for eight people. GENTLE READER: Unless you are tramping around indoors with wet boots, who is going to stop you? Certainly not Miss Manners, who is probably looking around for her own pair. In that case, the real losers would be the students, who not only miss out on the instruction you provide, but learn that whining works - and in the service of avoiding an education.ĭEAR MISS MANNERS: Can I wear boots in March when it is 30 degrees outside? Unless they are exhibiting bizarre behavior that should be reported to mental health experts, the rest of their lives are not your business.Īpparently, your fellow instructors think otherwise, and sadly, you may not have the support of the university in grading students according to their achievements or failures to perform. Your concern should not be whether your students come to class, but whether they master the material and fulfill the assignments. Other factors she sees contributing to this include faculty putting themselves on an equal level with students, such as dressing like them and asking to be called by their first names universities thinking of students as customers who should be satisfied and the general litigiousness of society. Miss Manners understands that students may no longer recognize the power their professors have over them, partly because it is not always exercised. GENTLE READER: And what has that taught her? I've spent an entire semester with this student, and I've already made many accommodations for her, despite my displeasure at the excuse-making. What I found rude was my colleagues' pushing so hard against me. Is it not fair for me to find these emails unusually casual and personal for the student/instructor dynamic? Is it really my responsibility to assume details about students' lives and refer them to services they didn't ask about and with which I am not familiar? I suggested that it was assuming too much on my part, and that a "funk" is not a serious condition - it sounds to me like a pity party being held by a freshman experiencing her first finals week. (That information is also in the syllabus, and available through many other means around campus.) But when I complained about this email, some of my fellow instructors pushed back and said I should have offered her information about counseling services. She was not doing well in class even before this incident. This student has known about this short assignment since the first day of class, 14 weeks ago, thanks to the syllabus. What really gets me, however, is their constant stream of emails: "I wasn't feeling it, so I didn't come to class today, sorry." "I needed a mental health day so I skipped our discussion." "I was too hungover, so I slept in this morning instead of coming to class."įinally there was this one: "I've been in a funk all weekend so I didn't manage to do the assignment on time, but can I still turn it in?" This email is the subject of my second issue. I am baffled by their lack of engagement.
They pay a large premium to be here, and they are all adults who could choose to leave college at any time. The issue is twofold.įirst, the students have been unmotivated, coming to class unprepared (if at all). Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin And Jacobina Martin,ĭEAR MISS MANNERS: I teach at the college level, and was recently lamenting some of my communications with students. Students Keep Whining, But It Seems To Work Students Keep Whining, But It Seems To Work
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